Just for a bit of fun, here are 24 things estate agents say – and what they really mean:
- Bijou – A tiny boxroom
- Cash buyers only – No bank in its right mind would lend on this
- Compact – Glorified cupboard
- Convenient for transport links – Feel the walls shake as a train passes
- Cosy – No more than one person per room at a time
- Close to good schools – Can get there in 10 minutes, if you drive like Lewis Hamilton
- Easily-maintained garden – Concrete as far as the eye can see
- Full of history – Doesn’t have electricity or running water
- No onward chain – Somebody died in there
- No photo available – The stuff of nightmares
- Peaceful location – God’s waiting room
- Perfect for a first time buyer – We know you can’t afford to be choosy
- Period property – Derelict and possibly haunted
- Popular area – You’ll be squashed in like sardines
- Put your own stamp on it – Half-built
- Renovation required – Watch your money magically disappear
- Rural – There is nothing there, except maybe some sheep
- Viewing recommended – The outside looks like something Stig of the Dump would reject
- Pied-à-terre – Fancy French phrase for cosy. See 5.
- Quirky – Nothing matches and the doors are four-foot high
- Three-bedroomed property – Two bedrooms and a cupboard where you could fit a sleeping bag… just
- Reduced for a quick sale – There has been no interest at all
- Within walking distance – If you have a spare five hours
- Sought-after area – Ridiculous price
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Dave O’Hara is an Internet Marketer and Property Investor from North East England. He is an active member and promoter of Wealthy Affiliate, an Educational Portal for Affiliate Marketers of all experiences.